now just take that beef stick right out of my mouth, sir!

SOMEONE TRIED TO POISON ME IN SEATTLE.

something i NEEDED to do while in seattle was go to a bar called the unicorn and eat a vegan corndog. because (1) i LOVE unicorns and (2) CORNDOG and (3) alcohol. and once i was good and liquored up i just HAD to have that corndog. i ordered it, i ate it, and then, IT WASN'T VEGAN. corndog FAIL. cut to yours truly barfing in the bar bathroom, yelling, "THEY PUT A BEEF STICK IN MY MOUTH." worst. corndog. EVER. and hey, lady, i saw you looking at me like that. OH LIKE NO ONE'S EVER SHOVED SOME BEEF IN YOUR MOUTH AGAINST YOUR WILL. you're not fooling anyone, b.

things were better later when i was able to relate this tragedy to a hot dog vendor who eased my broken heart with a tasty tofu dog. THANK YOU, MISTER HOT DOG VENDOR, for respecting my dietary choices and/or being able to hear me clearly.

tragically beefy,
allison